


love's a game, wanna play?

by Spirit_Wolf



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Peter Parker, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gay Harry Osborn, Lesbian Michelle Jones, M/M, Meet-Cute, Norman Osborn sucks, Norman Osborn's A+ parenting, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Secret Relationship, Texting, This is not to be taken seriously, Wrong Number AU, harry osborn is a himbo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 7,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27478777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spirit_Wolf/pseuds/Spirit_Wolf
Summary: It all starts with a text.orthe one where Peter Parker gets left on read.
Relationships: Betty Brant/Ned Leeds, Harry Osborn/Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Shuri, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 17
Kudos: 178





	1. unknown

Unknown: yknow when i was ur age i had a lot more respect 

Peter: i mean yeah probably  
Peter: who is this btw?

Unknown: oh shit hi

Unknown: wrong number

Unknown: i promise im a 17 yr old boy and not a strange old man

Peter: cool  
Peter: im 16 and have no respect for anoyone 

Unknown: that was meant to go to a friend for not getting me chipotle 

Unknown: sorry

Unknown: keep on being 16 nd disrespectful tho

Peter: oh trust me i will  
_ read 2:13 AM _

  
  
  


_ the “only” people who know about the thing _

  
  


Peter: i just had a convo with an unknown #

MJ: why

Peter: idk seemed fun

Ned: who was it

Peter: idk it was an unknown number  
Peter: he seemed fun

MJ: was he cute

Peter: i dont knOW michelle  
Peter: we didn’t exchange photos   
  


Ned: why did u word it like that

MJ: did he type cute

Peter: did he type what now

MJ: did he exude cute vibes

Peter: i dont read peoples auras through texts like u MJ

Ned: u dont?

MJ: u dont?

Peter: what the hell .

MJ: send ss 

Peter: (convo.jpg)

MJ: oh yeah hes definitely cute

MJ: like adorable

Ned: big himbo vibes

Peter: who am i friends with

MJ: couldn’t tell u

MJ: add him to the chat

Peter: no??????????????

Ned: he seems fun

Ned: he eats chipotle

Peter: i already said that  
Peter: and everyone eats chipotle

MJ: fun people sure do

Ned: add him add him add him add him

Peter: if we ever talk again ill consider it

MJ: then text him again

Ned: yeah do that

Peter: im going to bed

Ned: im hacking ur phone and getting his number

Peter: no   
Peter: gn two bad bestfriends

_ MJ changed the group name to the only “people” who know about the thing _

Peter: what.   
_ read 2:27 AM _


	2. faceless

_ the only “people” who know about the thing _

Ned: peter

Ned: i had the worst dream last night

Ned: u didn’t text the guy again and we lost out on the chance to have an even amount of people in our friend group

MJ: that’s terrifying ned

Ned: i know

Ned: i woke up screaming and crying

Peter: arent u in spanish class

Ned: …..no

MJ: hes recovering peter do not judge him

Ned: yeah peter im in recovery

Peter: i didnt know rolling ur eyes could give u a headache but it can

MJ: i knew that

Ned: peter pls pls pls add him

Ned: i already have our first group outing planned

Peter: why have u gotten attached

Peter: HOW have u gotten attached

Peter: it’s been like six hours

Ned: the vibes man

Ned: im tellin u 

MJ: i hate men but ill have to second that

Peter: im not gonna text a guy i dont know because u guys got attched from a ss

Ned: mj say please

MJ: What.

Ned: say please so he knows how serious we are

MJ: I dont beg men for anything

Ned: hes a boy

MJ: even worse

Ned: MJ do it 

Ned: do it for the faceless kid

Peter: watching this unfold is like watching someone plan out my assassination

MJ: peter

MJ: ,,,,,,,,, 

MJ: please

Peter: i fucking hate it here

Ned: that means hes about to do it

Peter: i will but i will be plotting out my revenge the entire time  
_ read 9:02 AM _

  
  
  


_ Unknown Number _

Peter: my friends wanted me to text u again

Unknown: why

Peter: they said u have good vibes

Unknown: oh 

Unknown: thats nice :)

Peter: one of them said u had adorable energy and the other one said himbo vibes

Unknown: hahahaha

Unknown: i dont play football or very muscular but i am an idiot 

Unknown: so whats ur name?

Peter: peter :)

Peter: what about u ?

Unknown: im harry :D

Peter: STYLES????

Unknown: i fucking wish

Peter: im telling my friends that the himbo swears

Unknown: im telling my friends that peter says swears instead of cusses

Peter: do they even know who i am

Unknown: nope 

Peter: so ur just gonna tell them that w no context

Unknown: yeah of course

Unknown: ttyl peter

Peter: im telling my friends that the himbo uses ttyl   
_ read 9:08 AM _

  
  
  


_ Peter has changed Unknown to Harry _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name reveal !!!


	3. gwen mf stacy

_ harry’s minions _

Harry: peter says swears instead of curses

Harley: who

Gwen: he sounds intelligent

Harry: u dont say swears why are u calling him intelligent

Gwen: probably cause im not intelligent

Harry: dont u have a 4.0 gpa

Gwen: idk probably

Gwen: is that good

Harry: i-  
Harry: yeah gwen it’s good

Harley: why did I get ignored

Harry: for the same reason that u capitilized i 

Harley: ……..

Harley: i listened in 2nd grade english? 

Harry: yes

Gwen: whos peter

Harry: a guy i texted on accident  
Harry: i was trying to text u so that it would say unknown number and ended up typing in the wrong number 

Gwen: what’s the number 

Harry: 646-***-****  
Harry: wait shit-   
Harry: G don’t 

Gwen: i think i will 

Harry: harley tell her not to

Harley: u think i can control a feral dog w a mission? 

Harley: not a chance buddy   
_ read 9:23 AM  _

  
  
  


_ Harry’s Peter  _

Gwen: hello

Peter: whos this

Peter: yknow this is the second unknown # text ive gotten in two days

Gwen: yes i did 

Peter: what .

Gwen: because im the first’s bestfriend

Peter: oh did he give u context

Gwen: what .

Peter: he said he’d tell u i use swears instead of cusses and i asked if he would give u context and he said no

Gwen: damn u guys are already on inside jokes terms

Peter: i dont think that qualifies as an inside joke

Gwen: wait till i tell him that u use qualifies

Peter: is that a ……… bad thing? 

Peter: should i say i dont think that fills the quota to be considered an inside joke

Gwen: what the hell is quota  
Gwen: is that like a sub species of a koala

Peter: LMAO

Peter: i like u more than harry

Gwen: thanks im gwen  
Gwen: say these exact words to him  
Gwen: itll freak him out  
Gwen: say “I think G is funnier and overall better than u”  
Gwen: u have to capitalize G

Peter: is G like a nickname that only he gets to use

Gwen: dont ask questions Peter

Peter: yes ma’am ms. G

Gwen: wow i like u more than harry too 

Peter: Gwen and Peter are both better than harry to each other squad

Gwen: u serve me puppy vibes  
Gwen: what do u look like 

  
  


Peter: why am i the only person who doesn’t read people like a cheap carnival psychcic through texts 

Peter:  [ Peter ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT98AFfnn5s4i9twFF-3jvJc3gH484eVeyT4BwyvGb5j30Ve_ORwjMKw-fkczM&s)

Gwen: i was right fuck yeah

Peter: i do not serve puppy vibes

Peter: i am a Man  
_ read 9:30 AM _

  
  
  


_ the only “people” who know about the thing _

  
  


Peter: the himbo swears and also uses ttyl unironically 

Ned: block him

MJ: drop kick him directly into the sun

Peter: also his name is harry and i just met his best friend

Ned: STYLES???

MJ: whats the best friend like

Peter: her name is gwen and shes very funny

MJ: we are replacing Harry w Gwen effective immediately

Peter: why did u capitlize their names  
Peter: ……..  
Peter: hello??  
_ read 9:35 AM _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wuv gwen <3


	4. delivered

_Harry_

Peter: i think G is funnier and overall better than u 

Harry: what

Harry: G?

Peter: yeah  
Peter: G  
Peter: … gwen?  
Peter: she said she was ur best friend

Harry: why are u calling her G

Peter: because she told me to

Harry: she told u to call her G or to text me and refer to her as G

Peter: the... first one

Harry: what :( 

Peter: why 

Harry: it an inside joke from first grade because i couldn’t say gwen correctly and so she told me to call her G

Harry: heart been broke so many times i-i don’t know what to believe 

Peter: thats cute  
Peter: she’s funny   
Peter: she told me to text u that btw  
Peter: w specific instructions to refer to her as G

Harry: oh good i was actually sad

Peter: i could tell and i started to feel bad  
Peter: im not good with guilt :)))

Harry: noted

Peter: ………  
Peter: dont take advantage of my guilt anti-kink

Harry: your WHAT

Peter: hey how do u delete a text and also delete the person’s memory of seeing that text?  
 _read 5:43 PM_

  
  
  


_Gwen_

Gwen: peter will be now further known as puppy

Gwen: puppy uses big words

Harry: like anti-kink?

Gwen: no but that is a fantastic addition to my vocab

Gwen: he said qualifies and the quota

Harry: those arent…. big words G  
Harry: hey also fuck u for telling him to refer to u as G  
Harry: that made me real sad fam

Gwen: good i thrive off ur pain

Gwen: and they are very big words

Gwen: any word that starts with q is a big word

Gwen: is a q starting word even considered a word

Gwen: is q even a letter

Harry: are any words actually words  
Harry: are these words words?  
Harry: how do we know which words are words and why these words are words and why those words are words and how whcih words mean these words mean those words?

Gwen: i literally fucking hate u

Harry: how are letters letters? why are all of these letters make words that mean more words which all mean words spelled by letters? 

Gwen: i like the puppy more than u 

Harry: what the fuck are acronyms 

Gwen: u

Harry: why is that letter a letter and why is it in so many words if we don’t even know if it’s a letter or not a letter 

Gwen: im sending this to peter

Harry: no let him find out that im dumb on his own

Gwen: no 

Harry: gwen dont i wanna be his friend and he uses big words like qualify and quota and he will never be friends with me if im an idiot

Gwen: then dont be an idiot

Harry: how  
 _read 6:31 PM  
_ Harry: gwen what are numbers  
 _delivered_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall ever have an english crisis in the middle of writing a texting fic ?


	5. when he knows why words and letters

_Peter_

  
  


Gwen: (word.jpg)

Peter: i think i just had a stroke

Peter: he brings up many good points

Peter: should i explain the concept to him

Gwen: do u…. know? The concept of words?

Peter: in it’s most basic format yeah sort of 

Gwen: wtf

Peter: i dont want him to feel like an idiot :(

Gwen: oh my god  
Gwen: [ puppy ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSC3A1yZXSO93I4E0PMkxH0ZMfWcHp9UFLRl9aEnFwUDQ5NlD2hjM0mnYcwLA&s)  
Gwen: this u?

Peter: i am not a puppy !!!!!!!!!

Gwen: [ angry puppy ](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR4jXq0KC4htW9paKFV4v0seuJAymfOWxhGSZywVzHjV6NRXc_k5-T0HSeJvr4&s)   
Gwen: this u x2?

Peter: >:(

Gwen: wait explain words to me  
Gwen: not because i dont know what words are and why words are words  
Gwen: im just curious on your take

Peter: yeah okay

Peter: some monkey guys had to start communicating because they simultaneously became too smart and too dumb to read just instictive noisies

Peter: over many years of evolution smarter monkey people in their monkey brains were like “this means this because i said so” and then more monkey people were born with similar superiority complexes

Peter: and now we have the modern english language that is a combination of many words that came from other smarter monkey people with different accents and brain cells 

Peter: the end. 

Gwen: wow  
Gwen: so does that mean that in the hundreds of years of future that we probably dont have left that the entire language could change 

Peter: i dont think that the entire language could change but some words definitely could

Gwen: whats ur iq

Peter: i have no fucking clue

Peter: probably like 30 most days 

Peter: once 2 AM hits its a solid 2

Gwen: mine is probably in the negatives

Peter: should i tell harry the same thing i just told u  
 _read 7:00 PM_

  
  
  


_Harry_

Peter: words are because some monkey guys had to start communicating because they simultaneously became too smart and too dumb to read just instictive noisies. over many years of evolution smarter monkey people in their monkey brains were like “this means this because i said so” and then more monkey people were born with similar superiority complexes and now we have the modern english language that is a combination of many words that came from other smarter monkey people with different accents and brain cells. the end. 

Harry: did gwen actually send u that ss

Peter: yep :)

Harry: did u actually know the reason words existed and felt compelled to tell me

Peter: yep :)

Harry: i am so much more than embarrassed 

Peter: dont be :(

Harry: it was a joke to fuck w gwen please dont think im an idiot 

Peter: i sure hope it wasnt a joke cause then my thumbs hurt from typing that out for no reason

Harry: ….. do they actually

Peter: lmaoo no sweetheart it was a joke

Harry: don’t patronize me with pet names

Peter: who said i wasn’t just using a cute pet name cause ur adorable

Harry: me? idk 

Harry: i actually am mortified 

Peter: don’t be there’s no reason to know the origin of literally just words 

Harry: then why do u know it 

Peter: because i wanted to know when i was in 7th grade

Harry: and u remembered??

Harry: i dont remember anything from seventh grade

Harry: except getting turned down by my crush when i asked him to dance at homecoming :(

Peter: that was the saddest thing ive ever read  
Peter: but hey ! no one even asked me to dance at my homecoming :)

Harry: maybe you should’ve worn basketball shorts and a nike hoodie like the rest of us 

Peter: who said i didn’t

Harry: theres no way u did

Harry: all the boys who did that when they were 12-13 most definitely still do that when their 16 

Harry: and theres no way u do

Peter: i could

Harry: u dont

Peter: ok i dont   
Peter: i wear graphic tees and skinny jeans 

Harry: i actually believe that

Harry: and thats a good thing because if u actually wore basketball shorts in everyday life i would have to cut off all communication w u

Peter: gwen wouldnt 

Harry: then u dont know gwen

Peter: well then neither of u would have someone to explain what words are, would u?

Harry: we also wouldnt have someone that uses commas in a casual texting setting

Harry: and that would be a good thing

Peter: The alphabetic principle is the understanding that there are systematic and predictable relationships between written letters and spoken sounds. Phonics instruction helps children learn the relationships between the letters of written language and the sounds of spoken language.  
Peter: thats what letters are in case u wanted to know too :)

Harry: i just ….. watched u type that out

Harry: do u actually have the concept of letters memorized 

Peter: yes :)

Harry: ……..

Harry: how

Peter: ig im just built differnt  
 _read 7:23 PM_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i bs'd that explanation HARD do not take it seriously LMAO. i copied the concept of letters off google :)


	6. the thing that "people" know

_the only “people” who know about_ _the thing_

Peter: what are u guys up to

Ned: tiktoking about spider man stories for clout

MJ: trying to shift into a reality where u guys were never born

Peter: hows that going

Ned: ive gotten 1k likes so good 

MJ: it was going good until u texted me 

Peter: soz broski

MJ: i hate it here

Ned: any updates on harry styles

Ned: like if ur going to add him to this chat or not

Peter: i thought u hated him now

Ned: do i?

Ned: nevermind 

Peter: idk i may introduce u guys seperately instead of just adding him to this hellscape

MJ: like we’re dogs?????????

Peter: exactly  
Peter: wait no-  
Peter: i was just saying that all three of us together is a….. lot

Ned: we are not that bad

MJ: well,,,,,,

Ned: ok fair

Ned: but id rather wait then be introduced seperately

MJ: wait can we meet gwen 

Peter: that one is actually acceptable because she’s like a mixture of all of us   
Peter: okay fine ill add gwen 

_Peter has added Gwen Stacy_

MJ: why do u have two first names

Peter: MJ oh my god u cant just ask someone why they have two first names

Gwen: was my introduction to this,,, thing a mean girls reference

Ned: yeah

Ned: its just like that down here

Gwen: Peter am i in hell

Peter: yeah probably

Gwen: sounds like a good time

Gwen: and stacy can be a last name 

MJ: tell that to stacy’s mom

Ned: that was a horrible come back MJ

Gwen: what is the thing that we “people” only know

Peter: ur here because u know it 

Gwen: what do i know 

Peter: i dont know.   
Peter: what do you know?

Gwen: the origin of words?

MJ: valid enough

Ned: wait but i dont know that

Peter: u know what i have to do, right, Ned?

Ned: yeah, pete.

Ned: i understand

Ned: it’s okay

Ned: i’ll be okay

Peter: why are you making this so fucking hard??!?!???!!  
Peter: You know I love you, right?

Ned: of course I do, Peter

Ned: it’s okay

Ned: i promise

Ned: just do it 

Peter: fuck…  
Peter: im sorry, nedward 

_Ned has been kicked_

Gwen: why did i just watch the last five minutes of a star wars movie

MJ: because thats just what hell is like 

Peter: stfu im grieving 

MJ: did u just tell two women to shut the fuck up

Peter: ………….. no

Gwen: i think u did 

Gwen: just when i thought i found a valid white boy…

Gwen: we lost an average one 

MJ: always a disappointment, never an achievement

Peter: that doesn’t even make sense

MJ: it wouldn’t to a man like u

Gwen: im sobbing 

Gwen: im telling harry, peter

Gwen: he cant go on without knowing the type of person u are 

Peter: im not sexist

MJ: no..

MJ: ur worse

MJ: ur white

Peter: okay well i cant argue with that  
 _read 8:42 PM_


	7. TONY STARK ????

_ harry’s minions  _

Harley: hey do u guys remember when harry texted the wrong person one time and then never talked to us again

Harley: no?

Harley: oh haha neither do i 

Harry: i talked to u two hours ago

Harley: u used to talk to me every two minutes

Harry: i found out what having a friend who has a personality other than being from tennessee was like 

Gwen: same

Harley: i thought YOU died

Harley: i havent heard from u in like 3 days

Gwen: i got added to peter’s friends gc

Harry: deadass how

Gwen: because im funny

Gwen: its a great place

Gwen: (riverdaleandtheofficearethesamething.jpg)

Gwen: (gifwar.jpg)

Harley: i read the first text from the first ss and blacked out

Gwen: lmao i love mj 

Harry: how do i get added 

Gwen: peter told me that he added me because im funny and can handle their sense of humor

Gwen: so be better ig idk

Harley: just ask him to add u 

Harry: i dont wanna be the guy thats like “let me join ur friend group or else” 

Gwen: well hes never gonna add u then

Harley: yeah sucks for u 

Harry: wtf

Harley: whos ned

Gwen: peters childhood best friend

Harley: whos mj

Gwen: their friend that they became friends like a year and a half ago

Harry: are they just us then

Gwen: their group dynamic is better than ours

Gwen: we should strive to be like them

Gwen: too bad u two can’t keep up w my personality

Harry: too bad harleys a yeehaw and ur a capitalist

Gwen: I AM NOT A CAPITALIST 

Harry: LMAO 

Harry: i just wanted to see what u would do sorry

Gwen: too late i already told peter that u called me a capitalist

Gwen: he hates u now

Harley: guess ur never getting into that gc now hahahaha

Harry: there’s no way u told him that fast

Gwen: wait till he tells mj

Gwen: she’ll kill u 

Harley: i think i like mj  
_ read 2:17 PM _

  
  


_ Happy Hogan _

Peter: happy

Peter: happy

Peter: happy its an emergency

Peter: my life is literally in danger

Peter: i could die

Peter: what would mr stark do to u if i died

Peter: i am a child

Peter: u have to respond to texts that are saying my life is in danger

Peter: HAPPY HOGAN

Peter: whats ur name 

Peter: like ur real name

Peter: theres no way ur name is happy

Peter: HAROLD????

Peter: ur name is HAROLD??????

Peter: i have a friend named harry

Peter: but i dont think his name on his birth certificate is HAROLD

Peter: this is rather startling information

Peter: i sort of feel betrayed

Peter: why couldnt u just be harry

Peter: like harry and harry styles

Peter: happy i need to speak to mr stark effective immediately !!!!!!!!

Peter: solely because i dont want to text a person named harold anymore ://

Peter: quite bold of u to assume i wont put my suit on and put myself in a life risking position so karen alerts tony and he has to call me

Peter: i WILL just start giving u updates about my day

Peter: so i woke up at seven am like i always do

Peter: i took the subway to school which kinda sucked

Peter: i lowkey hate the subway

Peter: but i love it at the same time

Peter: its such a staple in new york culture

Peter: anyway i got to school

Peter: my first period is english but u already knew that

Peter: we have a test in two days which is not poggers

Peter: then i went to math

Peter: i like math more than english

Peter: mostly cause the teacher is kind of hot

Peter: and hes nice

Peter: i guess

Peter: he doesnt like me that much

Peter: cause me nd ned have that class together and we’re kinda loud

Peter: i wanted to skip history but michelle made me go 

Peter: she says that learning history is important so we dont become fascists

Peter: but i know how to not become a fascist already

Peter: n e way

Peter: lunch was BORING

Peter: flash poured milk on my head and i had to change into my gym shirt :( 

Peter: fuck this

Peter: im gonna start with the ABCs 

Peter: a

Peter: b

Peter: c

Peter: d

Peter: e 

Peter: f

Peter: g

Peter: h

Peter: i 

Peter: this is boring

Peter: bro just pick up ur phone

Peter: i cant call u im gen-z

Peter: its against the law

Peter: not really but i hate talking over the phone

Peter: hey wait isn’t there like an emergency codeword that u HAVE to respond to

Peter: u would think my life is in danger and life risking situation and emergency would be enough but i guess not

Peter: what is it

Peter: hold on lemme ask karen

Peter: karen knows everything

Peter: i love karen <3

Peter: CAPTAIN AMERICA’S ASS IS THE MOST PATRIOTIC SYMBOL YOU COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF

Happy: The amount of self-control I have not to kill you myself.

Happy: What do you want. 

Peter: HAHAHAHAH THAT WORKED ???

Happy: No, but a man can only take so many buzzes that notify me of texts from a hyperactive teenage boy that I did not ask to babysit before he snaps. 

Happy: What do you want. 

Peter: im gonna start texting like u

Peter: I wish to acquire a ride to my estate where I live from Midtown School of Science and Technology. 

Happy: Why do you need a ride home.

Peter: Funny story.

Peter: I am currently bleeding out and Karen and the thing that alerts Mr. Stark of my dying is not working lol.

Peter: oh wait u dont use lol

Peter: just read that without the lol

Happy: Peter what the hell. 

Happy: Where are you?

Peter: behind the school :)

Happy: Why are you bleeding out behind the school?

Peter: uhhhhhhhhhh

Peter: unimportant

Peter: but there is blood so :))

Peter: hurry?

Happy: jesus christ.

Happy: I'm on my way.

  
  


_ Mr. Stark (!) _

Mr. Stark: you couldn’t wait till i was back in the country to bleed out?

Peter: this is the ghost of peter woOOooOoOOO

Peter: that was a ghost noise

Peter: because i bled out :)

Mr. Stark: i think happy’s entire head turned gray

Mr. Stark: he sounded like he was having a stroke when he called me

Peter: did he call u before or after picking me up

Peter: because he was bald when he helped me to the car hahahah

Peter: funny story actually

Peter: when he helped me stand i was so out of it after having four panic attacks and like a sensory overload that i smacked his face (because he doesn’t have his weird beard thing anymore) and said “i like ya cut g”

Peter: i kinda lose all memory after that

Peter: i just remember waking up in one of the tower hospital beds and then him driving me home

Peter: the nurse was complaining that my body was dissolving the painkillers too fast and so she just sent me home LMAO

  
  


Mr. Stark: are you sure they didn’t work because you sound kinda high right now

Peter: you clearly don’t text me enough

Peter: hey how come you never told me that happy’s name is HAROLD???

Peter: next thing it’s gonna be pepper isnt actually pepper

Peter: is rhodey even rhodey???

Mr. Stark: Pepper’s name is Virginia, buddy

Mr. Stark: Rhodey is actually James. 

Peter: WHAT  
_ read 4:32 PM _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so fun to write lmaoooo


	8. osborn more like osbornfromsatan

_ Gwen _

Harry: i have a query

Gwen: what is your query

Gwen: please be something other than the concept of words

Harry: im still embarrassed about that </3

Harry: but no

Harry: what do i do about like……..

Harry: showing peter my face

Harry: or telling him my last name….

Gwen: wdym

Harry: as in like…. Osborn?

Harry: and my face has been on the news before

Harry: its actually there more often than i like

Harry: he lives in new york

Harry: theres no way he wouldnt know

Gwen: ummm hes possibly the most observant person when it comes to small details

Gwen: like he knew ned was stressed because he used lol instead of lmao

Gwen: but like… bigger things?

Gwen: hes the most oblivious person ive ever met

Gwen: i wouldnt be 100% about him recognizing you via face

Gwen: name is differnt

Harry: ok well either way

Harry: what happens when he finds out

Gwen: peter isnt going to judge u because of ur dad haz

Gwen: hes not judgemental 

Harry: well yeah

Harry: but its norman osborn

Harry: the biggest asshole in new york?

Harry: what happens in peoples heads when they find out im the spawn of satan’s spawn?

Gwen: i think that james jonah jameson actually

Gwen: dont worry about it 

Gwen: literally just talk to him more

Gwen: youll stop worrying 

Harry: i dont want him to think im an idiot and that ill turn out to be an asshole experimental science capitalist

Gwen: just tell him u went to art school in france

Harry: that just makes me sound like a privileged white kid

Gwen: well….

Harry: ok i know im privileged because im rich and white but im not a douchebag because of it

Gwen: yeah ig u have a point with that one 

Gwen: when are u gonna take me to venice on ur private jet 

Gwen: i wish to see the canals

Gwen: the architecture………

Gwen: sigh….. Venice

Harry: ill take u and harley to europe for christmas

Gwen: wait really??

Harry: sure

Harry: you couldve just asked

Gwen: UGH i LOVE being friends with a rich white man !!

Harry: fuck off  
_ read 6:02 PM _

  
  


_ spider business _

MJ: yknow if u didnt add random people to the gc that was dedicated to spider-man then u wouldnt have to make a new one

Peter: listen

Peter: we never even talked about sm in there

Peter: and that was our only existing gc 

Ned: so why did u make a new one if we never talk about it

Peter: ummmm

Peter: hahahahha

Peter: so like i sort of got……….. Injured

Peter: not because of spider-man!!!!!!!!

Peter: but yknow i didnt just wanna tell gwen that i almost sort of bled out after knowing her for four days

MJ: what

Ned: huh

Peter: ok so like i kinda got cornered after school 

Peter: and like a guy kinda put his keys between his fingers nd like

Peter: yknow..

Peter: poked me

Peter: ok i didnt almost bleed out bleed out

Peter: but it did hurt :))

MJ: u got….. keyed?

MJ: what are u? a ferrari sitting outside a middle school?

Ned: are u like good?

Peter: yeah happy picked me up :)

Peter: btw his name is NOT happy

Peter: its HAROLD

Peter: disgusting i know

Ned: im still processing gimme a sec

Peter: im all healed now no worries!

Peter: i just thought id tell u guys since u made me give an oath to tell you whenever i get hurt

MJ: yeah because u didnt come to school one random monday and when we asked where u were u just offhandedly mentioned u got shot over the weekend

Peter: to be fair they used cap’s painkillers to knock me out so there was no chance to text u :)  
_ read 7:23 PM _


	9. harley lives in tennessee and u will not forget it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw // sexual innuendos ?
> 
> yikes this one got kind of ~angsty~ sorry about that :)))

_ Harry _

Peter: did u know 

Peter: that 9/11 caused 50 shades of gray

Harry: is it not like four am 

Peter: are u going to dismiss the glorious information i just bestowed upon ur eyes

Harry: if i ignore it itll go away

Peter: this isnt a horror movie

Peter: its real

Peter: and its come for u >:)

Harry: i-

Harry: yknow using ‘come for you’ when referring to a cursed text about 50 shades of gray can lead to multiple interpretations

Peter: HARRY !!!!!!!

Peter: NO

Peter: BAD HARRY

Harry: calling me bad is not helping ur case

Peter: skhcksdhfkbejfhefjbvehj

Peter: HARRY

Peter: go to sleep

Harry: didnt u text me first

Harry: about 9/11 causing 50 shades of gray

Peter: i did and now i severely regret it

Harry: go to bed peter its four am

Peter: no u

Harry: is this some twisted way of trying to get me to call u a brat- 

Peter: I AM GOING TO BED

Peter: GOODNIGHT HARRY

Harry: goodnight :)

Peter: i hate u  
_ read 4:32 AM _

  
  


_ Harley _

  
  


Harry: hey is this too forward

Harry: (peterconvo.jpg)

Harley: i-

Harley: uh

Harley: its defintiely something uwu

Harry: ew why did u do that

Harley: idk

Harley: why did u insinuate that peter liked being called a brat

Harry: …………

Harry: u might

Harry: for the first time ever

Harry: have a point

Harley: there literally has not been a time where youve been right and ive been wrong

Harry: fake news

Harley: who tf are u

Harley: tucker carlson?

Harry: thats real rich coming from someone who lives in tennessee

Harley: being born in tennsee does not equate me to being a republican !!!!!!!!!

Harry: sure….

Harry: i bet u masturbate to fox news

Harley: what are u SMOKING 

Harry: sleep deprivaton

Harley: im telling gwen that u just put masturbate and fox news in the same sentence

Harry: dont she’ll kill me if she saw that 

Harley: u deserve to die after insinuating that i am 1. a republican 2. i watch fox news 3. and im attracted ???????? to tucker carlson ?????

Harley: is that what u were insinuating with that ???

Harley: i dont even know

Harley: it feels like someone just dropped 30 cinderblocks on my head 

Harry: i am sleep deprived stop judging me for my past actions

Harley: it was 4 minutes ago 

Harry: it feels like seventy years :)

Harley: r u ok

Harry: dad yelled at me and now i cant sleep

Harley: damn

Harley: id hug u but yknow

Harley: tennessee 

Harry: ah yes as u are so keen on reminding me every hour 

Harry: i am ok :)

Harry: my mind wil force itself to shut down eventually 

Harley: pop some melatonin

Harley: or throw back some nyquil

Harry: both

Harley: n-no

Harley: just one will do 

Harry: i have both tho

Harley: having both does not mean u should take both

Harry: then why both

Harley: hazz

Harley: take one

Harley: and go to sleep

Harry: did u dad ever tell u he loved u ?

Harry: before he .. left

Harley: yeah

Harley: he wrote the notes mom put in our lunch boxes 

Harry: norman’s never told me he loves me

Harry: i think i was a precaution

Harry: yknow how kings had to have an heir 

Harry: like that

Harley: well ill have to thank him one day for his precaution

Harley: because it ended up being my best friend 

Harry: i love you

Harry: i hope you know that

Harry: ill come visit u with gwen soon

Harry: i told her we’d all go to europe together

Harry: goodnight harley

Harley: goodnight hazz

Harley: i love you too   
_ read 4:51 AM _


	10. SHURI????

_ brother i WISH was from another mother _

  
  


Shuri: when are we going to the colonies 

T’Challa: When we need to.

Shuri: when is that

T’Challa: When the discussion of trade is scheduled.

Shuri: when is that

T’Challa: Don’t you have blasters to be designing. 

Shuri: ive already designed four

Shuri: and a new suit for electricity absorption

Shuri: dont tell what i need to be doing ive already done it

T’Challa: In the next couple weeks or so.

T’Challa: We’ll be arriving at Stark Tower.

T’Challa: And everything there is expensive.

T’Challa: So please don’t try to dissect or upgrade anything.

Shuri: if i do anything stark will appreciate it

T’Challa: I dont think his ego can handle someone upgrading his things, Shuri.

Shuri: well maybe its time hes been knocked down a few pegs

Shuri: it’d be good for the avengers

Shuri: or whatever they call themselves

T’Challa: You know what they’re called.

T’Challa: Just don't… break anything.

Shuri: yeah okay

T’Challa: I’m serious.

_ read 2:23 PM _

T’Challa: Shuri.

_ delivered _


	11. denial isnt just a river in egypt

_ spider buisness  _

  
  


Peter: GUESS WHAT I JSUT FOUND OUT

MJ: ur leaving new york and never coming back

Peter: what. no. :(

Peter: SHURI IS COMING TO STARK TOWER

Ned: PRINCESS SHURI???????

Ned: SHES SO COOL

MJ: peter

MJ: do u know what this means

Peter: IT MEANS I GET TO MEET HER FOR MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS IRL INSTEAD OF OVER A ZOOM CALL

MJ: it means that one of the most powerful black women in the world is going to be right in front of u. and shes OUR age. 

Peter: u want to meet her

MJ: yes

MJ: obviously

MJ: are u kidding me???

Ned: MJ is fangirling

Ned: i never thought id see the day where she showed emotion

Peter: u can meet her too ned :DDD

Peter: Ill have the talk to mr stark about ur clearance level in the tower but its totally possible

MJ: i-

Ned: shes short circuiting 

Peter: i need to get on mr stark’s good side to try and get her number

Ned: arent u like……. his son

Ned: arent u like……. always on his good side

Peter: WHAT

Peter: SON-

MJ: oh dont act like u dont see him as a father figure

Peter: I-??????

Peter: hes my role model

MJ: yeah as a dad would be 

Peter: ok-

Peter: even if i DID see him as a father figure

Peter: which i DONT

Peter: he does not see me as son 

Peter: no wAY

Ned: its kind of hard to have a protegee and not have ur paternal instincts kick in

Ned: especially since hes taken on the job of trying to keep u safe while…

Ned: superhero-ing?

Peter: why are u speaking like u have experience in being a father figure to someone

Ned: m just saying its not preposterous 

Peter: right

Peter: i forgot that in my life the idea of tony stark being my only father figure is possible

MJ: maybe u shouldn’t have been bitten by a spider then

Peter: why are u acting like i subjected myself to be experimented on via spider bite

Peter: this shit was NOT on purpose

Peter: and just being bitten by a spider is not the reason me and ironman are in contact

Peter: its because he had beef with captain america and needed another person on his side

MJ: while we’re on the subject of that

MJ: did u deadass fight on the side of the government

MJ: while being a vigilante

MJ: which is……… illegal?

Peter: u think i was educated on anything before meeting u??

MJ: we’ve been in the same club for two years????????

MJ: u knew that i was the smartest person in that room and i was a leftist

Peter: ok-

Peter: but arent u always the one preaching about educating urself before formualting an opinion

MJ: that was before u fought for the government

Peter: careful, MJ

Peter: im the only link u have to shuri 

MJ: this is manipulation

MJ: im being manipulated by a white boy

Ned: yeah but he has a point

Peter: they’ll be here in two weeks

Peter: xoxo  
 _read 1:29 AM_   



	12. plot twist ??!??!!?!?!??!?!?

_ T’Challa _

  
  


Tony: Right.

Tony: So you have a chaotic teenage shadow too?

T’Challa: Yes. My little sister, Shuri. 

Tony: Yeah, I have

Tony: Well, I don’t really know what he is.

Tony: A mentee, I guess

T’Challa: Shuri isn’t interested in dating, if that’s what you’re worried about.

Tony: Oh, no. Not at all. 

Tony: I just think that putting two genius teenagers with plans for chaos at all times in a room together is a bad idea.

T’Challa: Right. Obviously. 

Tony: So, we do what we can to keep them apart?

T’Challa: Sounds reasonable.

Tony: Glad we’re in agreement. 

Tony: See you on the 21st.

_ read 3:26 PM _

  
  
  


_ Stark-ling _

  
  


Shuri: this is peter parker, correct???????

Peter: uhhhhhhhhhhh

Peter: .. yes

Peter: yknow this is the third text from an unknown number in three weeks

Shuri: wow that is so interesting

Shuri: anyway

Shuri: this is shuri

Shuri: we’ve met briefly

Peter: SHURI ??

Shuri: TIS I !

Shuri: i hacked into stark’s phone to get ur number

Shuri: and look LMAOOOO 

Shuri: i texted him as my brother to see what their plans for us were when we got to america

Shuri: (tonyand”tchalla”convo.jpg)

Peter: UH-

Peter: MR STARK WAS GONNA SEPARATE US?????

Peter: FIENDISH

Shuri: guess this calls for….

Shuri: revenge.. Perhaps?

Peter: yes, yes…

Peter: perhaps…... it does

Shuri: would u like to form an alliance .. with me?

Peter: absolutely I would

Shuri: good, good. Great.

Peter: this will be an epic poggers moment !!  
_ read 3:52 PM _


	13. that one time that norman osborn was such a bad father that THE DAILY BUGLE had to edit it out

_ Interview Excerpt (unpublished):  
_ _ Norman Osborn for the Daily Bugle   
_ _ By: Ellie Farnish _

  
  


**EF: You know at some point, I’d have to bring up your son, Harold Osborn.** __

_ NO: Yes, of course. Harry. What do you wanna know? _

**EF: Well, based on the public records of his time at SVIS in France, he’s a very accomplished student, with astounding grades in all four main courses plus art and Latin. So, tell me, Mr. Osborn, do you see your son as a suitable heir to Oscorp?**

_ NO: Harry is a very good student, I take that he got that from his mother and his raising. We had tutors at the house four days a week since he was three. But being an accomplished student in high school isn’t something that shows his abilities to run a company, you know? His interests lie elsewhere at the moment, but given time, I think he’ll make a great heir. _

**EF: Yes, yes, of course. Um, in his interview with Vanity Fair in March, he said that business was never his forte, and he struggled with lessons in his earlier years as your shadow in the office. He also mentioned that he liked science, but he believed his talent lied within the Arts? Would you agree?**

_ NO: Oh, well, what he’s referring to is when he was given his first lesson in business at nine. You know nine year olds, they're not exactly known for following rules or others’ expectations. As a kid, he was very wild, but once he hit twelve or thirteen, I think that’s when he got his act together and started taking his lessons seriously. As for the Arts, well, in today’s day and age, everyone knows that art isn’t exactly the most viable career option.  _

**EF: I’d have to dis-**

_ NO: So sorry, Emily, but I’m afraid that I’m a very busy man, and I must get going now. Let me know when this gets published. _

_ [end of interview excerpt with Norman Osborn] _


	14. a courtcase and some accusations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flerting >:)

Harry

Harry: what school do u go to?

Peter: um

Peter: if i remember correctly, my 7th grade computer teacher told us not to give that information to a stranger

Harry: then im sure your seventh grade computer teacher would be appalled at the fact that youve been texting that stranger for a month now 

Harry: (which makes me not a stranger)

Peter: then what are you

Harry: a friend :)

Peter: mmmm sounds like something a murderer would say if he wanted to get my school name so he could come kidnap and murder me

Harry: i mean maybe

Harry: i wouldnt know 

Peter: yeah im sure you wouldnt 

Peter: are u a friend?

Peter:... or are u a muppet?

Harry: those arent the lyrics 

Peter: thats not an answer

Harry: i dont answer to wrong lyrics 

Peter: you are heavily avoiding the question right now

Harry: no im making a point to let you know that those are the wrong lyrics

Harry: twitter would tear you apart for that u know

Peter: ur tearing me apart

Peter: out of frustration 

Harry: thanks for the clarification

Peter: stpo chaning the subject 

Harry: ur inability to spell grew exponentially between the last two texts you sent

Peter: who are u

Peter: my opponents lawyer ? 

Peter: i was out of the country all your evidence is circumstantial 

Harry: alright lets do it baby i know the law 

Peter: dont call me baby again 

Peter: this is a court of law 

Harry: did u just quote harry styles during this very serious court case

Peter: what ? is that against the law too ? 

Harry: … u said too

Peter: what no i didnt 

Harry: what was against the law that you did before ? 

Peter: why are u so observant how did u even notice that

Harry: ur very easy to read it’s not about being observant or not

Peter: i am Not easy to read i am mysterious. classified if u will

Harry: with this grammar and vocabulary im inclined to think u dont go to school

Peter: hey !

Peter: u know if i was homeschooled that would be very offensive to my guardian

Harry: but ur not

Harry: u have friends 

Peter: thats probably very offensive to the homeschooled community

Harry: what is it with u and trying to incriminate me ?

Harry: it’s not offensive to homeschooled community because im in the homeschooled community

Harry: or i was

Harry: either way, checkmate bitch

Peter: stop getting out of all my incriminating >:((

Peter: this is very frustrating

Harry: am i still tearing u apart ? 

Peter: hey u werent supposed to catch on to the fact that i dont think about the implications of my texts before i send them 

Harry: didnt u just call me observant 

Peter: nto that observant 

Peter: ur still a himbo 

Harry: how am i the himbo when im smarter than u 

-

intermission

the only “people” who know about the thing

Peter: question:

Peter: is rightful cockiness attractive

MJ: yeah if theyre not too obnoxious about it 

Ned: agreed

Gwen: why

Peter: no reason

-

Harry

Peter: hey ! :(

Peter: im plenty smart 

Harry: yeah? then what school do u go to?

Peter: why are u sO hung up on that 

Harry: i wanna know if u live close by :(

Peter: aw wait thats kinda cute 

Peter: ...

Peter: wholesome was the word i was aiming to type btw 

Harry: u were about five letters and one syllable off but okay

Harry: u can call me cute peter my masculinity is very intact 

Harry: plus i take compliments very well ;)

Peter: that seems like a lie 

Harry: which part 

  
  


Peter: the compliments bit

Peter: u serve me very much self-esteem issues masked with an ego the size of the empire state

Harry: oh we’re psychoanalyzing now ?

Peter: oh god don’t psychoanalyze me please

Peter: u dont wanna see what goes on in there 

Harry: probably tentacle porn knowing u 

Peter: HARRY ???

Peter: KNOWING ME?????

Peter: whats THAT supposed to mean??????

Harry: i just wanted to see how u would react lmaoooo

Peter: APPROPRIATELY

Peter: i reacted APPROPRIATELY

Harry: i mean it was a little over dramatic

Peter: U SAID I THINK ABOUT TENTACLE PORN BASED OFF OF A MONTH’S WORHT OF KNOWLEDGE ALKJDKJDFHEKJFHKSJFHKSAHD

Harry: :) yep 

Peter: im ending this conversation

Peter: conversation: ended 

Harry: if u end the conversation then im claiming im right 

Peter: wHAT

Peter: thats now how that works !!!!!!!!  
_ read 1:37 AM _

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the first fic I've posted in months ! I am currently writing a monster of another one, though, and this one will be for the sake of having fun :) The chapters will be short and (hopefully) funny and the only plot is Harry's daddy issues !!


End file.
